


The Spookiest, Dear

by Magical_Bucket



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Clowns, Concerned Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Established Relationship, Fake Blood, Fake Character Death, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Haunted Houses, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Minor Character(s), Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Scary Clowns, Sleepy Cuddles, Spooky, any of the gory stuff is fake, fake body parts, tiny bits of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28004514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Bucket/pseuds/Magical_Bucket
Summary: “Book Girl just messaged me.” Ever since the apocalypse, Aziraphale and Anathema had kept in touch. They had bonded over a mutual interest for books and occult arts while Crowley and Newt had been doing their own thing. That being said, it wasn’t uncommon for them to call or text, but it was unusual that they would contact them so late. “Nothing serious or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. ‘Guess there’s a haunted house she’s in and one of the actors just dropped out. Wanted to see if I was interested.”Anathema asks Crowley to join her haunted house. The demon is more than willing to join.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	The Spookiest, Dear

As the warm summer days began to shift into a cool autumn, many things were changing. The leaves were turning vibrant yellows and oranges, the days were getting shorter, and Crowley had been spending more time at the bookshop. Not that Aziraphale had any complaints, of course. Since Armageddon had come to pass, he would always welcome the demon into his space without complaint. It wasn’t as if Crowley being there was any type of inconvenience, in fact, with the colder weather, Aziraphale would have preferred Crowley stay close by. Being a snake, he was far more susceptible to the cold than any other angel or human. With Crowley in the bookshop, however, Aziraphale felt that he could keep a closer eye on him and make sure the temperature was just right to compensate for the snake’s lack of body temperature regulation. 

Yes, having Crowley napping on the back couch had its many perks. One of the many other perks included knowing what was going on in his demon’s life. There was hardly any secrets between them anymore because they simply weren’t necessary. With their own side, Aziraphale didn’t have to worry about protecting Crowley from heaven or hell as in insider. It was far easier to protect him from both on their own side since there really was no superiors to go against. It had been rocky at first, having that freedom to be honest didn’t fully register with either until that one day where they finally sat down and talked about their feelings for each other. After that, the realization just hit them full force. 

That was a month ago, and now, Halloween was quickly approaching. 

Since the beginning of October, the bookshop had seen more subtle changes. A brightly decorated candy bowl sat by the cash register, a few extra cobwebs had appeared, and a few rubber snakes and fake spiders had been hidden around the shelves. Aziraphale had never set up decorations so openly in the shop before, fearing it might attract customers or trick-or-treaters who would go around to the local businesses with sticky hands. All of the decorations had been complimentary of Crowley as a part of his wiles. The angel had to admit, the decor gave the shop an added spookiness that seemed to keep customers away. If the occasional scream could be heard after Crowley snuck onto a shelf to scare some potential customers, well, who was Aziraphale to intrude on his serpent’s fun?

One night, in particular, about two weeks before Halloween, Crowley and Aziraphale had been lying in bed. They would occasionally bounce back and forth between flats, but tonight they had settled for staying in the one above the bookshop. While Aziraphale sat up against the plush pillows with lamp light to illuminate the words of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Crowley snuggled close to his middle while clutching the duvet close in one hand and browsing on his phone with the other. Everything was silent, peaceful until Crowley’s phone vibrated in his hand. Normally, Aziraphale would ignore it, but Crowley’s expression changed after he read what was on the screen. 

“Something wrong, dear?” Aziraphale didn’t have to turn away from his book for more than a millisecond to know his demon had been deep in thought. As much as he loved his companion, he had the tendency to overthink things and make complicated plans. If Crowley’s little micro-expressions and small noises were any indication at all, his love was definitely thinking deeply about whatever had come up. 

Crowley put his phone down on the bed while shifting his gaze up towards his angel’s face. “Book Girl just messaged me,” and Aziraphale’s eyebrows quirked up with interest, encouraging him to go on. Ever since the apocalypse, Aziraphale and Anathema had kept in touch. They had bonded over a mutual interest for books and occult arts while Crowley and Newt had been doing their own thing, likely messing up computer servers somewhere. That being said, it wasn’t uncommon for them to call or text, but it was unusual that they would contact them so late. “Nothing serious or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. ‘Guess there’s a haunted house she’s in and one of the actors just dropped out. Wanted to see if I was interested.”

“And?” the angel finally marked the page and set his book to the side. “Are you going to participate?” 

Crowley’s response came in the form of a shrug, a sound that could only be described as a throaty “hhng,” and a small nibble to the side of his lip. “Not sure yet,” the demon looked up to the angel. “The things gonna’ be in Tadfield on Halloween, and I gotta’ go down to get a costume ready.” The demon may have sounded bored and uninterested, but he was feeling the complete opposite. 

Crowley absolutely LOVED Halloween. Kids having fun dressing up in whatever they wanted, getting all the candy they could hold, driving their parents nuts when they ate it all, and the pranks some of the older ones could play was highly amusing. It was one of the only times Crowley could go without his glasses and people openly compliment him on his eyes. He was a big spooky fan, so what better time to let the spook flag fly? Of course, he and Aziraphale had been through countless haunted houses in their long life, but he had never gotten the chance to participate in one as an actor. 

“I think you should do it,” Aziraphale said, pulling Crowley out of his thoughts. A hand moved down to pet the shoulder-length red hair. “It wouldn’t be so different from what you do here at the shop. Don’t think I don’t know about you terrorizing the customers, dear. I know you hide with those ridiculous rubber snakes and jump at anyone who passes, I can hear the screams from the back. I think you’d enjoy it immensely.” 

“But it’s all the way in Tadfield, I’d have to drive out there a few times a week. Might not get home until late.”

“Oh woe is me, I’ll have to suffer alone without my love for a few hours every few days!” Aziraphale teased. Crowley attempted a scowl, but it turned out to be more of an amused smile. “Crowley, we’ve spent hundreds of years apart before. I believe I can keep myself occupied for a few hours until you get home. Perhaps I’ll finally get to catch up on some reading. My point is, You shouldn’t let the fact that you’ll have to spend a few hours in Tadfield deter you.” 

Crowley nodded and made a noise of understanding before picking up his phone once more and tapping at the screen. On the final tap, the sent message tone played and the phone was set down once again. Aziraphale took the chance to pluck the phone out of his sleepy demon’s hand to place it on the bedside table along with his book. Silence broke out once again as the light was miracled off, Crowley fell asleep feeling excited and Aziraphale happy that his demon was finally going to be a little more social while still having fun. 

The nights where Crowley was gone were some of the dullest Aziraphale had in his existence. 

He wouldn’t admit that fact, of course, but having gotten used to having his companion so close by, the silence and lack of his presence got quite lonely. Aziraphale was able to get quite a bit of reading done, but he was always more than happy to set whatever book had caught his attention down to greet the demon when he walked into the shop. Sometimes, Aziraphale would briefly wonder how he was able to manage going years without a word from him. Either way, he didn’t want to dwell on the past and fully intended to spend time with Crowley and making up for that lost time. 

Crowley, on the other hand, had lots of fun during his nights away. The haunted house had already been mostly planned out on paper. They knew the general set up and where everyone would be, so most of the time was spent setting up and making sure everything worked. The building itself was a barn and it had been decided that it would be sectioned off into different parts to increase the fear factor. The sections would be decorated differently depending on the theme of the room, and the costumes would correlate to where the actors and actresses were stationed. 

Crowley was placed in the last section, which in his opinion was a huge honour. The last section was always the scariest, meant to give the people one final scare to add to the scare factor before they left. Being in the last section was good, getting the lead part was great. Not that he told that to Aziraphale, of course. Yes, he was excited to play his part, but it wasn’t just him in the section. It was really a group effort. He was just the one who did most of the screaming. 

Aziraphale loved to hear about the night when Crowley got home after rehearsal or whatever it was they did in preparation. Crowley hadn’t told him much about the part, so he simply assumed that it was something minor. Though he had little information about what Crowley would be doing, the angel was more than happy to help when said demon asked him for help with his costume. 

By Halloween, the costume had been ready and it was nearly time for Crowley to leave. Before he did, both celestial beings had decided that it would be best that Crowley try on the costume one last time to make sure everything fit properly. Aziraphale had been in his usual chair with yet another book while Crowley changed and put on his makeup. 

“Ok angel, think I’m ready,” The sound of Crowley's voice caused Aziraphale to raise his head. He set his book aside and stood up. After taking a moment to brush any wrinkles out of the fabric of his waistcoat, he set his hands to rest in front of him.  
“Ok love, let’s see it then.”

When Crowley stepped out from his hiding place, Aziraphale nearly gasped. All the work had truly played off, because although he wasn’t necessarily scary to Aziraphale, he would be frightening to a human, just by looking at his face. There was quite a bit of black and white makeup. A good portion of his face had been white, framing out the lines of the corporation’s skull. Some other parts were black, like the area below the cheekbones and under his eyes. The black makeup was also used to make Crowley’s wicked grin look even larger. There was a hood that covered most of his head, but fire red locks still fell to frame the face perfectly. Then, there were the eyes. The gorgeous, magnificent eyes. It wasn’t often that Crowley really let loose, but now there were zero whites to be found. Everything was golden honey, aside from the slit pupils that had been trained on him, waiting for a reaction. 

“Your makeup looks fabulous, my dear.” Aziraphale mused.

“Thanks, angel. How’s the rest of it? Anything look off? No tears or weird folds?” Crowley questioned as he turned in a little circle to show off the costume in its entirety. 

Aziraphale studied every inch of the fabric as Crowley turned. The hood that was set onto Crowley’s head connected to a midnight black cape that tied in the front. The bottom of which was ripped to shreds. The main piece was a slightly lighter coloured robe with the arms ripped off that ended around the demon’s mid-thigh. More pieces of darkly coloured mesh material hung down to his knees. Both sets of fabric were also ripped around the bottom. All the fabric had been belted off at his waist with chains with some hanging down. There were dark fingerless gloves with the bones of the hand-painted onto them, and the leggings were a similar design. Finally, black leather boots had been laced up to Crowley’s mid-calf, finishing the costume. Nothing was out of place. 

“So? How do I look?”

“Absolutely terrifying. Now, do you think you’ll be warm enough in that? It’s supposed to be rather chilly tonight.”

“Don’t worry, angel. I have another shirt on under this. Plus, it’s pretty warm there.” Crowley stretched out a little bit and wrapped an arm around the angel's shoulder. “You know, I’m over 6,000 years old. You don’t need to worry so much about me, angel. I can take care of myself.” Not that Crowley would ever really complain about that, of course. He loved Aziraphale fussing over him from time to time, as long as the angel didn’t feel obligated to he would allow it. 

“Well of course I know that, my dear. I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t, but I rather you not freeze to discorperation. I fear Hell wouldn’t be keen on letting you back up anytime soon, and I’d loathe to ruin my coat going after you.” Both beings broke out into a fit of giggles. They both knew he wasn’t joking.

And so, Crowley was on his way to Tadfield. Aziraphale had asked him if he needed any props for his part, but according to the demon, all of those would be supplied when he got there. So now, the angel sat in his backroom while working through a misprinted Bible. After all, the sun was still high and there was plenty of time to kill before he was scheduled to go through the haunted house.

It had taken a lot of work to keep Crowley from knowing he would be going through. Actually, it didn't take much effort at all. He simply had to call Anathema, ask about joining the last group, and making her swear not to tell Crowley about it. He had no problem with keeping from his demon. They had said they wouldn’t lie to each other, but surely failing to mention the fact didn’t count. Besides, it was meant to be a surprise. One couldn’t truly blame him for attempting to surprise Crowley, not even the demon himself would do that. 

Crowley had arrived fashionably late as always, but not late enough to miss any of the fun. It wasn’t five minutes after his arrival that he was handed a chainsaw (chain disconnected, of course) and was told to get into position so they could run through one more time and make finishing touches. And of course, everything had been perfect and ready to open for the poor souls who dare enter. Crowley took up his perch and waited anxiously, more than ready for his first victims. 

The taxi dropped Aziraphale off at the barn a touch early. Nothing too extreme, but he was able to meet the other members of the group. They were all quite the rambunctious kids who were more excited to go than he was. Music and screaming could be heard from where they stood, and when the previous group came back, it was their turn. 

The first room the group entered had been fairly small. It was set up like a bedroom, cluttered with furniture and tunks. What set it off from a regular bedroom, however, would have to be the blood that coated the walls, the bedsheets, the curtains, and the floor. As they made their way through the room, different actors in various outfits jumped out at them. Aziraphale, unfortunately, didn’t get as much as a startle as the others in the group. He didn’t find the room that scary, and in his opinion, the creepiest part of the act was the girl crawling after them. Just as the group reached the exit to the next section, someone who had been dressed as an elderly man sat up from the duvet and yelled at them for waking him up. Aziraphale fought the urge  
to apologize for the intrusion knowing full well that he hadn’t actually been sleeping. 

The next room had a multitude of differences from the first. While the last room had a dark orangey glow to it, this one had been bathed in purple and green neon light. The music had also changed too. While everywhere else had a classic spooky ambiance, this particular room had fun house music. The room itself was practically a maze of fun mirrors. At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and the angel simply followed the group. After a few steps, clowns came out of the shadows and dead ends they had passed to jump out and scare them. Occasionally, a fake colourful snake slid across the floor between the group members. At one point, Aziraphale could have sworn he saw Newt under one of the costumes, but he figured now wouldn’t have been the best time to ask. None of the actors actually spoke to them this time, but they laughed and got closer than the others had dared to. Some of the poor girls huddled together, obviously distressed and trying to put as much distance between them and the actors. When they finally reached the end, there were three doors to go through. Of course, when the first door was tried, it was a fake and the clowns continued to laugh. Verbatim with the second. Finally, the third door opened and the clowns continued to laugh and crowd close until they were all out. Aziraphale watched the door slam shut behind him before turning to acknowledge the room before him. 

This room seemed tamer, if not more creepy. At first, it appeared as if all the actors had been out in the open working on a variety of tasks but had stopped to stare at the group when they entered. The only sounds came from a man thrashing about and screaming on what appeared to be an old hospital bed which he was restrained to and the music. Out of the actors, he recognized Anathema who was standing by a table at the opposite end of the room. The room was filled with a dim white light that was hung over the bed. It was difficult to see the ground, as smoke from a cauldron pooled out and covered the floor.

Some of the actresses that were by the screaming man came over to the group and started rambling to the group. Talking about eating their guests before correcting themselves and saying they were helping. They had been dressed as doctors and nurses, and nearly all of them had blood on their hands. They had been calling everyone “Dearie,” and one unfortunate girl was made to sit down in a chair while they offered them all tea. As Aziraphale passed by one spot, another man swung down from the roof, limp as a dead body and hanging by his legs. Anathema quickly went over to try and put him back up. And when they reached the witch’s previous spot, what sounded like a child started screaming for help and shaking the bars of his cage in a hidden spot under the table. The Nurses response was to shout over him to beg the group not to leave. 

As the rooms went on, Aziraphale was scared he somehow missed Crowley in the house. They had just shown up in the final room, and the teens were pumped and had been joking about the previous rooms. When they first entered the room, Aziraphale had been confused.

The room was relatively barren compared to the others. The wood had been stained an interesting colour, it was pale but brought out the lines in a slightly darker colour giving it a trippy effect. The windows and some of the above light had been orange and flickering, almost making it seem the outside of the room was on fire. The only other light came from a strobe light that had been up in the ceiling somewhere. A smoke machine had also been hidden somewhere to make it appear that smoke was flooding in through the window and cracks in the walls. On the floor, there was a wide and long black carpet that led to the final exit. On either side, there were a few lows of pews with some fake candles, jack o'lanterns, dried up flowers, and fake body parts were strewn about them. At the end of it, there had been an arch. It was decorated with dead vines, but it had clearly been one that would make an appearance at a wedding. The oddest bit, The room itself smelt like gasoline.

The kids at the front had grouped together, bracing themselves for whatever the room threw at them. When the actors dressed in black started to come out, chanting gibberish and getting very close to the group members. If someone stepped out of line or looked in a certain direction, the actors chanted louder, scaring the offender back in line until they had completely surrounded them. There was nowhere they could go, but the cult still chanted. Then, a loud bang was heard from behind them, along with a motor. All of the group turned their heads to see what had happened, but nothing was there. It was only when they realized they had begun whispering and pointing up did they realize where they were looking. 

There, above the doorway where they came from stood Crowley. Fully dressed in his costume, wielding a large chainsaw. 

The demon hopped down from his spot and yelled at them in the same gibberish the rest of his cult had. The cultists moved out of the way to free the path once again, and as soon as the group started to make a move towards the exit, Crowley charged. The kids screamed and bolted through the doorway. Aziraphale, not at all affected by Crowley quickly approaching revving the chainsaw, was a little late to leave. Once they made it through the door, they were back to the outside world. 

Once Aziraphale’s other group members left, Crowley came out of the door, still holding the chainsaw. 

“Lo’ angel. Didn’t think you liked haunted houses that much.”

“Well, I can’t say I don’t enjoy the ones where a dashingly handsome demon is running around. You were spectacular, my dear.”

“Why thank you! Poor kids might not be in the mood to have any candy after this! It was really spooky, right?”

“Oh course dear, it was the spookiest.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's ok to post a Halloween fic two weeks before Christmas, right? Let's just pretend it is. This is essentially the work of me procrastinating on all of my other responsibilities, so yeah! I hoped you enjoyed it!


End file.
